What fuels fear?

During training with Freedom from Chronic Pain, Matt McClanahan summed up how the relational stance of resistance to neuroplastic pain makes the pain worse.  He used this simple equation:

Pain      x            Resistance        =            Suffering

I like this framing because it goes beyond common knowledge that fear is the fuel of pain.   And instead, it links us to the not-so obvious: the various ways that we resist pain and unintentionally fuel our fear.

I often see clients who are justifiably angry at someone or something, but from past experiences have learned they must restrain themselves when feelings of anger arise.  Some people are taught that anger is immoral; others that it is an offence to a family authority.  For some people expressions of anger meant that there would be an intense retribution, so they learned to suppress it.

The other commonly suppressed emotion that I see clients resist is sadness.  Those who restrain sadness were often taught at a young age to feel shameful or apologetic for their tears.  Others were taught that sadness meant they were weak and have developed a near automatic need to turn away and/or hide when feeling strong emotions that might bring about tears.

In each of these situations, when people feel pain and resist their anger or sadness, the result is an increase in their brain’s sense of danger, which results in increased feelings of pain.   

Many who come to therapy soon realize the connection between their pain and their suppressed (resisted) emotions.  And we work on normalizing emotional expression so that the learned resistance to emotions no longer carries over into future suffering.  Clients learn an alternative formula for recovering from chronic pain:

Pain      x            Openness         =            Relief   

Openness is, in my opinion, the key to overcoming neuroplastic symptoms. When we shift into an open, curious, and non-judgmental means of relation we teach the brain that it is okay, that it is safe. We not only reduce the fear that fuels pain, we reduce the resistance that fuels fear.