Feeling Responsible

People who experience neuroplastic pain conditions often rate high on trait conscientiousness.  I too share in this personality trait, and while practicing PRT in recent weeks to maintain my own pain recovery I have noticed a physiological pattern that occurs for me: I get anxiety when faced with a decision between spending time at my own self care and spending time with others.  My default mode is to ‘think of others first,’ and when faced with the decision between prioritizing ‘me’ or ‘others’ my brain produces a felt sense of ‘conflict’ in my body.  I get anxious.  My chest and stomach tighten.  Automatic thoughts emerge about ‘letting others down.’  A pre-emptive sense of disappointment can even emerge in the form of a double bind: the conflict of feeling disappointed for not doing ‘my thing’ compared with not doing something for or with others.